Me…A Widow?

Without getting to far into my past, I’ll give a brief history of the previous 5.5 years. I was living in Sydney, Australia with my soul mate, Matthew. We said “I Do” in Fiji in 2010. In 2011, we welcomed our first BEAUTIFUL child, Kaden. Then in 2012, we welcome another GORGEOUS child, Scarlett. We were living the dream, exploring a foreign country, making lifelong friendship and being totally and utterly in love…the type romance books strive emulate. Then in March 2014, my life came to a halt.

The man I vowed my life to, was gone. The man who helped me find my confidence and take a giant leap of faith, was gone. The man who showed me how to look at this world with eyes wide open, was gone. In the blink of an eye, I was thrown into a world I didn’t think would exist for me. My life became that moment in the movies where the person is standing still but everyone around them is passing by in blurred images. There was no making sense of my life anymore. Why Matt?

So there I am, overflowing with every aspect grief has to offer and I am forced to find strength and grace to handle my husbands final affairs. Thankfully, my family flew in to support me and my Aussie family bent over backwards for me, so the transition was mostly handled by them. However, I have two young children who do not understand what death means and how it will affect them, talk about knife in the heart. It’s a conversation and concept I never thought I would have to handle. The harsh reality that life is not guaranteed started to sink in, not only in my mind, but my heart.

Long story short, I had to go through all the items we accumulated together and either sell or pack them and move our life from Sydney back to the US. Talk about an experience I barely survived…

Fast forward 7 months, here I am learning new ways to look at life and what my true path holds for me. I know there are people who have experienced loss in different ways and when grief lays its cold hand on their shoulder many people really have nowhere to turn and that’s where I want to step in. I want to share my experiences, the good and the bad, with those who need to not feel so alone. Grief is the most powerful human emotion and we can either use it as fuel to move us forward out of the darkness or allow it to destroy us. I choose life and love after loss. It’s time to live MY life the way I see fit, it is time for my heart to fully lead the way.

Let’s move forward, lets live! Live Boldly, Love Loudly! 799

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