Swim Again

I wanted to share a poem that inspired this writing. Every time I read the poem I imagine Matt saying this to me, especially when my day has been rather rotten. Its a beautiful reminder that it is not enough to just go through each day without stepping outside your comfort zone. Especially in a time of grieving where a day can be consumed with sadness and dwelling on the past, knowing that my loved one wants me to continue living is motivation enough for me. For once I feel like I have a true path. I remember my senior year in High School when everyone was talking about what their major would be in college, I spoke to a friends mom, whom I knew rather well, and she told me she thought I would be excellent for Marketing. So what do you think I did? I didn’t have any passions in life at the time outside of soccer and I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. So I majored in Marketing. For me, I thought my time spent in college was a waste, so I didn’t apply myself as much as I should have.

Once finished with college, I moved to be with Matt in Australia. Matt was very successful in Sales at a Fortune 500 company, he made a name for himself. Head Hunters would contact him often and offer him jobs left and right. I contributed in my own way, I have one of the toughest jobs on the planet, I am a Mom to two beautiful children. There was still a part of me that wanted some independence of my own, I wanted to go back to work once the children reached an age where staying home full time was no longer needed and Matt supported me in whatever I wanted to do. I figured I would go to work so I could help further advance our financial stability.

However, when Matt passed away my true lives purpose became apparent. My heart screamed at me, through all the pain I was experiencing and seeing not only myself struggle, but my friends and family as well; I knew what I needed to do. My whole life I always enjoyed helping other people and I continually felt at my best when I was serving the needs of those who needed supported. I loved speaking to people when they had life problems and giving them a safe place to share their thoughts. So I have created a plan to follow my heart and outside of my life with Matt, I have never felt so much determination to achieve my goals. My yearning to help others, has increased immensely. What better way to inspire and guide others who are experiencing grief than someone who is living it?

When a loved one passes away, it is an opportunity to take the life you had and turn it into something new. It is in no way saying my past life didn’t suit me or that my new life will be better. It is another shot to start fresh, if you allow yourself to be open and really see where you can take your life. In no way will the life I create be better than the one I had with Matthew and the kids, it will be different. I cannot just tread water, I’ll grow tired and weary; life will pass me by. If I take the opportunity to swim again I will grow and change in ways I never expected and I already have started on that journey. I don’t want to just survive the death of Matthew and the life in front of me. I want to live. Matt’s death, while the most painful and heartbreaking experience, has opened up new doors for me to walk through. If I do not take on my new lease on life I will surely drown and I know Matt would be shaking his head urging me to live. Matthew was always looking for ways to stay inspired, he was constantly pushing himself to be better. He was my biggest supporter and told me that no matter what I wanted to do, whether big or small, he would be there for me.

Do you have passions in life? Dreams you’ve wanted to fulfil? What is truly stopping you from achieving the life you so badly deserve? Life is far too short to be a spectator. If not now? When?

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