One Fit Widow posed a question recently asking if we were living or merely existing. I knew right away how to answer the question…I am existing. Is it bad to just exist? Especially when it hasn’t be a year since my husband passed away. If you would have asked me this question months earlier, I would have said no. Being easy on myself was what many people suggested. Focusing on surviving and being there for my children were my top priority.
Now almost 10 months on and my heart is aching for a different type of progress. In hindsight, 10 months isn’t that long and some people question if the path I have chosen for myself is ready for me. I mean I have a good thing going right now. I live with my Mom and her husband, I have constant support and a big enough home to have a section just for me and the kids. I have made some amazing friends here in Georgia, women who have welcomed me with open arms. But when your spirit cries for attention and its slapping you in the face saying, “I’m waiting for you, all you have to do is grab on and trust your intuition,” then it is hard to push the voice back any longer.
I don’t want to just exist, I want to live. If I don’t take hold of my life then it will pass me by. I am very aware that the universe has put me where I need to be and the timing for my move and forward progression will arrive at the right moment and I believe I have reached that point. To let the concerns of other people who are looking from the outside in take over what my heart truly desires would be the worst type of destruction. I truly believe the worst type of harm we can do as humans is to destroy our own hearts for the sake of others. If we loved ourselves more deeply and stopped allowing outside conditioning and perceptions rule our every move then we would be more free, more open.
I have a life to create. It won’t always be easy and I am sure I will experience some hardships but that is life. What is the point of life if all we do is exist? Where is the joy, the excitement and wonder? I spent a good part of my life before Matt just existing. He showed me how to live. I deserve to continuing living. So my priorities have shifted and it is time for me to start down my true path and fulfil my hearts desire.After years of always putting others first, part of living requires more time putting myself first. And don’t worry…my children will still remain a top priority 🙂 I think I will have to change the famous saying from, “Happy wife, happy life,” to “Happy mom, happy life.” Ok so it doesn’t rhyme but hey work with me here.
Is life worth living
if my mere existence is
based on loving you?
**The universe was listening, after I wrote this post I sat down and had a cup of tea. On the tea bag there is a little message of motivation and mine said, “Let your heart guide you.” Very fitting since I just finished rambling on about following my heart. I am on the right path. (see picture)